Dear "Teneur" (that is my petname for you)....

You're funny. You don't want to feel like the bad guy... thats too much like excepting responsibility for your actions. I'm still having a hard time finding the proper words to say what I mean. I don't want to be misread by you. I admit my part. Same on me for not saying No. Teneur... You want it simply put? You have cheapened an otherwise, passionate experience. Maybe I should have seen it coming, as I was pretty much "unfinished business". But you know what they say, ignorance is bliss. To be blissful is to be happy... so for a few happy moments I was willingly ignorant. I don't think you realized that I would react like this... Then again, my issue is not that you care... but the reality that maybe you actually don't care. So easily detached, you are. Playing with fire as if it is something you have done all your life... but if it was natural there would be nothing to hide and I wouldn't be asked to cuddle you as a victim. No... you are not the bad guy. Neither am I. I just.... have so many issues with how things were handled. Treat me as your whore if that is what I am.... don't touch me as if you care for me..... Thats confusing. Thats lying... You owe me more than that, Teneur. I have once again shut down on you.... because..... you are no better than those that have conducted themselves with such duality... Touching me like I am the only woman in the world yet.... telling me that I mean nothing. I say--- tell me that I mean nothing from the beginning so that I may have no question afterwards of what I may mean, let us not feel like lovers if we are really barely friends.... I'd rather my definition not change. So I say all this to say, I am not even a little upset with you... I'm completely upset with me. My apologies... apparently I used you to hurt me. How horrible I must seem.......