gotdamn... where do i start? i'll start where
she was left, unending... still living
but mentally gone from me.

so i angry at the world's imperfections and can't figure out my own direction cuz she was a good woman but... her life has been left to dangle at the whim of some unknown thread of indignity. i feel defeated.

i've been enduring pain and learning pain...... tryin not to let it stop me, i get spurred on by pain and let it continue to nip at my heels. it feels like a piece of me dies with each advance a woman makes towards me knowing there isn't anything of her left to give me..... but she tries, only to succeed in leaving me empty and sore. bruised because we couldn't make love out of nothing so.... she had to beat it up.

I can't cry anymore and each door i open is followed by 5 more closed doors, 2 whores, and .... all this running is chore. I'd rather just get sucked into negative thinking. i'd rather just turn black ass the last breath of life leaves me..... i'd rather leave peacefully than be at peace.